Vent.

The babies are one month old today. It is hard to believe an entire month has passed. So much has happened, yet on so many days we feel like we are standing absolutely still. So many babies have come and gone, like visitors passing through the unit. Reilly and Chase have had many neighbours, and although there are babies who have been there longer than us, it is hard to watch the others come and go. We are so proud of our little ones, they have been through so much and are so strong, but there are days that we feel so defeated.

We know that every baby in the unit is faced with their own challenges, and we know not to compare- but it is hard. It is hard to watch all the other moms hold their babies for hours a day. It is hard to watch babies the same age or size breathe room air, with no ventilation at all. It is hard to watch babies grow, reach milestones, and thrive. All of these are amazing, happy, wonderful things, but to be surrounded by all of these wonderful things each day and feel like you don't get to experience them yourself, it is hard not to feel defeated. I am thankful for each day I have with our babies. I believe that we will get there, that we will reach these milestones and be able to hold them soon, but the road to get there is long and is taking its toll. Most days, their teeny little fingers and toes, and their little personalitiies that shine through in their facial expressions and body movements are enough to keep us going and to boost our strength. And then there are the other days, that no matter how many people tell you you're strong, you feel down. I guess it is all part of the rollercoaster. 

Being with the babies is all we can do right now. Stay strong for them, be with them, talk to them and love them. We're grateful for everyday we have with them and we'll stay focused on getting them home. We'll just make time to vent along the way. 

thanks for all the love.
xo. sio.